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Brian Beasley is the Legal Adviser for the High Point Police Department in High Point, North Carolina. In order to justify his exorbitant (not really) salary and keep his officers informed of the latest changes in the law, he writes legal updates from time to time. Brian knows that officers aren’t generally enthusiastic about reading something entitled “Legal Update” so he tries to include some humorous footnotes to encourage them. Since he began writing these updates, officers from other agencies have asked to be added to the mailing list, but Brian decided that creating a blog was by far a more arrogant and geeky option.

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    Santa’s Grab Bag: The Repo Man Is Coming To Town

    18 Dec

    Posted by Brian Beasley In Legal Update

    To download a PDF file of this update, click here

    Santa’s Grab Bag:
    The Repo Man Is Coming To Town
    Legal Question of The Week

    Vol. 2, Number 27
    December 18, 2009 

    Brian Beasley
    All You Want For Christmas and Legal Adviser, HPPD

                Well, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas again.  In one week, children all over the world will wake up, tear open their presents, and then get upset because their Dad won’t let them have a turn playing with all the cool stuff that they get.1  But before we put an exclamation mark on 2009,2 I’ve got three more brief things I want to discuss with you.  Fear not, faithful legal update readers!  For behold, I bring you these legal tidings in a way which shall bring joy to all people.  That’s right – it’s the very special Christmas edition of the Legal Question of the Week.

    ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  The hooptie was parked in the driveway with care, ‘cause we knew not the repo man soon would be there.3

    Read More

    1. At least that’s what happens at my house.  Look – I paid for the video game, the controllers, and the Wii.  It’s only fair that I get to play Mario Kart first! ↩
    2. Since there seems to be little to argue about these days, a controversy has arisen over whether January 1, 2010 will be the beginning of a new decade or whether we have to wait until January 1, 2011.  I understand your argument that there was never a year “0,” but place me firmly in the “decade starts in 2010” camp.  I just feel like something as important as a decade should start in an even-numbered year. ↩
    3. With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863) who wrote “A Visit From St. Nicholas” in 1822, I’m going to take a few liberties with his excellent poem today.  Mr. Moore was a reticent man whose poem was published anonymously after a family friend submitted it to the New York Sentinel.  I think we would have to attribute most of this shyness to the fact that he had “Clement” as a first name. ↩
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    Splitting The Baby: A Wise Guy’s Look At Child Custody Enforcement

    04 Dec

    Posted by Brian Beasley In Legal Update

    To download a PDF file of this update, click here

    Splitting the Baby: A Wise Guy’s Look at Child Custody Enforcement
    Legal Question of The Week

    Vol. 2, Number 26
    December 3, 2009

    Brian Beasley
    Abovementioned Wise Guy and Legal Adviser, HPPD 

                Once again we find ourselves in the busy Christmas season – we’ve got shopping to do, parties to attend, presents to wrap, black and white movies to watch…the list goes on and on.  So let’s jump right into today’s legal update with our good friend, Mr. Hypothetical Question.

                It is a dark and stormy December night.  As you are settling in as watch commander you receive a phone call from a lawyer.1  This lawyer tells you in a very condescending and patronizing manner that her client is the mother of a 12 year old girl named Mary2 and that Mary is currently living in High Point with her biological father.  The lawyer informs you that he has obtained a court order from a District Court judge in New Hanover County granting temporary custody of Mary to the mother.  Furthermore, the mother is on her way to the police station so that an officer can go with her to the father’s house to retrieve the child.

              At precisely that moment, you are notified by another officer that a woman is waiting in the lobby to speak with you.  Indeed, it is this very mother, wired from drinking five cups of coffee on the way here from Wilmington, and holding the official court document entitled “Temporary Custody Order” and signed by a District Court judge.  The order says that “law enforcement officers are authorized to use whatever means necessary to enforce the order.”  The mother tells you that she is 100% certain that her “no-account worthless philandering ex-husband” will not give up the child without a fight.  She then asks whether you are carrying a TASER.

              What do you do?  What can you do?  Why do these situations always happen on your watch?  Why didn’t the cold medicine you took ameliorate3 your head cold symptoms?  These are all good questions. Read More

    1. The fact that a lawyer is calling is clue #1 that it is going to be a long night. ↩
    2. No, not that Mary.  The “Mary” in our hypothetical is not with child nor is she returning to her betrothed’s hometown to be registered in a census ordered by a Roman emperor. ↩
    3. Ameliorate is a verb which means “to make better” or “to improve.”  It is also hard to say five times fast unless you have small lips. ↩
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