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Brian Beasley is the Legal Adviser for the High Point Police Department in High Point, North Carolina. In order to justify his exorbitant (not really) salary and keep his officers informed of the latest changes in the law, he writes legal updates from time to time. Brian knows that officers aren’t generally enthusiastic about reading something entitled “Legal Update” so he tries to include some humorous footnotes to encourage them. Since he began writing these updates, officers from other agencies have asked to be added to the mailing list, but Brian decided that creating a blog was by far a more arrogant and geeky option.

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    Legal Question Grab Bag

    26 Apr

    Posted by Brian Beasley In Legal Update

    To download a PDF file of this update, click here

    The Legal Question Grab Bag:1 Assorted Answers to Unrelated Questions

    Legal Question of the Week
    Vol. 3, Number 8
    April 23, 2010 

    Brian Beasley
    Tired of Trying to Decide on a Single Topic and Legal Adviser, HPPD

                You’ve probably heard people talk about a slow news day before.  Right now in the legal office, we are experiencing a period of slow legal news.  The legislature is not in session and there haven’t really been any cases of note in the last few weeks.  All of this makes it very difficult to find any material to support hilarious footnotes.  Nevertheless, your legal adviser understands just how important these updates are to the day-to-day function of the department, so I’ve decided to tackle some of the smaller questions that have floated through the office recently.  Fortunately for all of us, I have written down these questions on little slips of paper, meticulously folded each one, dropped them into an empty mayonnaise jar,2 and will randomly select them and see if I can answer them here for everyone’s benefit.  Read More

    1. Definition:  A receptacle containing small articles which are to be drawn without being seen. ↩
    2. Some of you (the old ones) may be thinking that a child of four could plainly see that these items were hermetically sealed and the mayonnaise jar was kept on Funk & Wagnalls’ front porch since noon today.  Most of you have no idea what I’m talking about….ever. ↩
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    Peek-a-Boo Searches Revisited

    09 Apr

    Posted by Brian Beasley In Legal Update

    To download a PDF file of this update, click here

    Peek-a-boo Searches Revisited:  State v. Battle
    Vol. 3, Number 7
    April 9, 2010

    Brian Beasley
    Not As Influential As He Thought and Legal Adviser, HPPD

    Alternate Title:  “Does Anyone Really Know What’s Going On Here?”

                We start off today’s legal update with some bad news.  You may recall that the legal office sponsored a contest last summer1 to find a new term for certain types of “strip searches” that aren’t really strip searches.  In these types of searches, suspects are not completely unclothed, but a search is done of the inside of the undergarments to look for hidden contraband or weapons.  After millions of entries2 were sorted through, the legal office settled on calling these types of searches “peek-a-boo searches.”3

                We were confident after making this important declaration that the term would spread like wildfire and become a widely accepted part of American jurisprudence.  It seemed a certainty that peek-a-boo searches would be the subject of learned legal treatises, hotly debated in courtrooms around the country, and taught in reputable law schools everywhere leading to fame and fortune for your very own legal adviser.  I was preparing for talk show appearances, celebrity “Legal Question of the Week” signings, and a phone call from the President asking if I would do him the privilege of serving as the 10th United States Supreme Court Justice.4

                Unfortunately, the phrase hasn’t caught on yet. Read More

    1. See 2 LQOW 16 (“School Strip Searches,” 07/16/09) and 2 LQOW 17 (“Brouhaha Law,” 07/31/09) for details.  While I’m talking about old legal updates, some questions arose this week about DWI vehicle seizures.  Do YOU know when a vehicle should be seized?  If not, go back and read 1 LQOW 4, (“Drunks Drive the Best Cars,” 07/18/08.)  If you don’t know where to find old legal updates, contact me and I will show you. ↩
    2. Give or take a million or two. ↩
    3. The idea behind this terminology was to make this type of search sound less intrusive in hopes that more of them would be upheld in our appellate courts. ↩
    4. I would have turned him down, of course.  Why would I want to leave the High Point Police Department? ↩
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